


Out of the closet

by SuperEllen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, COWT10, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Meddling Friends, Pining, Volleyball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22712533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperEllen/pseuds/SuperEllen
Summary: This is the story of how Kuroo came out to his roommate.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 10
Kudos: 123
Collections: COWT - Clash Of the Writing Titans/Chronicles Of Words and Trials





	Out of the closet

**Author's Note:**

> When I posted this, it was so full of typos that it looked pretty disgusting. I had to post it quickly for a competition, and I didn't have time to read it looking for typos after I finished writing. Only a few weeks later I've finally found the time to edit this in order to make it look somehow normal.  
> English is not my first language, so there's still a limit to the editing that I can do on my own. Please bear with me.
> 
> Story based on the prompts "Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night" and "pigeon".

In his second year of university, Kuroo was openly gay. Okay, maybe he wasn't that open, but still. At least some people knew about him, so it was a huge improvement compared to his high school days anyway.

There weren't any huge tells regarding his sexuality either. After all, many straight guys loved to take care of their bodies, putting effort in the way they looked. One did't have to be gay in order to care for his own appearance. Therefore, no one ever suspected that Kuroo could be anything other than perfectly straight. That was, until his first year at university.

He met a girl in biology class. She was pretty, and smart, and funny, and... was she hitting on him? Oh yes, she definitely was. He tried to let her down easy, but she was persistent. Like, _very_ persistent, the kind of person who couldn't get a hint - or just didn't want to. Her name was Hoshima Yoko, and Kuroo actually liked her, he liked spending time with her, as their conversations were always so interesting. But of course he didn't like her _like her_ , because she was, you know, a girl.

One day, a couple of months into their first semester of school, they were sitting together at a table in the campus library. They were reading from the same page full of notes, their heads so close. That was when she turned around and kissed him out of the blue. Kuroo was so surprised that, in the hurry of separating their lips, he fell backwards from his chair, blushing in embarrassment with his ass on the floor. In that moment, as an automatic defense mechanism, he put both hands in front of his chest, as if to shield himself from the girl, and he blurted out a quick "I'm gay!" And so it was out. Or, well, _he_ was out. That was the first time he ever said that out loud.

After a few days of awkward silence, Kuroo apologized to her for the way he'd acted. She was of course embarrassed, but she understood his reasons, and they decided to continue being friends. She also introduced him to her friends. There was some kind of unspoken rule, and Kuroo thought it was a cliché and it was incredibly stupid, where every gay guy needed a group of girlfriends. Up until that moment, all of Kuroo's friends had always been other boys, because with boys he could play volleyball, and what could he ever talk about with a girl? But he ended up really liking Yoko-chan and her friends. Mizutoshi Erin was a force to be reckoned with, as well as being very much into volleyball - but just as a fan, she was too lazy to play, and the one time he tried to toss a ball to her, he soon realized she also sucked quite a lot. Where Yoko-chan was incredibly similar to Kuroo and Erin was some kind of a tomboy, Kazaku Minako was the girliest girl he'd ever met. While he could talk about classes with Yoko-chan and sports with Erin, all he could talk about with Kazaku was _boys_ , because that was the only thing that ever caught her interest. At first, to be honest, he found her annoying, but a few months later Kuroo was already wondering how he'd survived before meeting those three girls.

Since he was always hanging out with girls, his only male friend thought he had a lot of game. Kuroo never found the courage to tell his roommate that _no_ , he wasn't banging those girls, they were just hanging out because, come on, gross! Since he never came out to his roommate, he couldn't really explain why he didn't have any sexual interest in his female friends, so he had to endure so many long conversations where the other boy tried to inquire about his conquests. And by the way, the one about his roommate was another funny story from Kuroo's first year at university.

The first day he arrived on campus, he immediately went for his new dorm room. Since he was the first one there, he called dibs on the bed by the window, leaving his new roommate with the one by the door. He sat down on his bed, looking around in order to memorize as many details as possible of his new living quarters, when the door opened and a boy took the first step inside. His new roommate dropped the bag he was holding the moment he saw him, and a second later they were both blinking in disbelief.

"Kuroo?" "Sawamura?" they both asked at the same time, because come on, what where the odds? After that, there was only one thing they could do: they burst out laughing. When it seemed like they could stop, Sawamura made his way inside the room entirely, they greeted each other with a hug and then resumed laughing. That absurd twist of fate was the beginning of a very good friendship.

Sawamura was on the volleyball team, Kuroo wasn't. Being part of that club together was the only thing that made sense to the both of them, when they first found out that they were going to be roommates. Soon, however, Kuroo got engulfed in his studies, and he ended up putting himself in front of a tough choice. Sawamura could still be an excellent student while playing volleyball, but he didn't have much of a life outside of that: he only had classes, study sessions and volleyball practice, starting early in the morning and ending late in the evening. Kuroo's scientific studies were even more complicated than Sawamura's literary ones, so they took away more time, and one month into his first semester, Kuroo realized that he wasn't sleeping enough. He ended up leaving the volleyball club before their first practice match. Sawamura mourned his absence on the court for weeks, behaving almost as if he'd died. Even though he wasn't on the team anymore, however, sometimes Kuroo still played a little with his roommate and some other guys on the team in their spare time.

At the beginning of his second year, Kuroo was thinking about coming out to Sawamura. He was sure his roommate was going to be understanding, but somehow he couldn't manage to find the right words, so he kept postponing that moment. He had, however, come out to Kenma the last time he went home for a break, and his best friend had been nothing other than supportive. Including Kenma, four people knew about his sexuality. So it was safe to say that during his second year of university Kuroo was at least partially out of the closet. He, however, still had a few secrets that not even Yoko-chan and the other girls knew about. Something he was never going to tell anyone, mostly because he was ashamed. After all, how could he even say out loud that he'd been in love for years with a definitely straight guy who used to consider him his best _bro_?

***

Lately, Kuroo had been so concentrated on his classes that he barely had any time to spend with Sawamura. That was the reason why they barely talked anymore, and also why he wasn't aware of the next game their university volleyball team was going to have. It was late on a Thursday evening when Kuroo came back to his dorm after a study session with Yoko-chan. Since they were pretty close, and they hated to be interrupted in their studies, they usually studied in the girl's room. They had been so concentrated on the topic of their next chemistry test, however, that they hadn't even noticed that it was getting pretty late. Only when Erin, Yoko-chan's roommate, came back to their dorm after an evening out, they realized how late it was. Erin didn't really throw Kuroo out in order to get some sleep, but more or less that was the hint she wanted him to get. So it was almost midnight when he got back to his own room, finding Sawamura pacing around the very small space between their beds.

"Are you okay?" he asked when, entering the room, his friend didn't even raise his head to reciprocate his greeting.

Only after hearing that question did Sawamura stop in his tracks, looking at Kuroo straight in the eyes. "We have a very difficult game tomorrow. I'm running strategies in my mind" the former Karasuno captain replied.

Kuroo scoffed at that. Figures. Of course, what else could Sawamura do the evening before a difficult match? Strategize, of course! Shaking his head lightly, Kuroo dropped his books on the desk in a corner of the room, and then he went to sit on his bed. "You're doing such a great job holding that team together, you know? Seriously, you don't suck as much as you did last year. You can win!"

Those were meant to be words of encouragement, but Kuroo was also stating the obvious. Their university was famous for academic reasons, not for their volleyball team. The previous year, the team had been terrible, but recently Sawamura had taken control of their training, and even though he was just a second year student he had more respect than the captain. He raised that team from the dirt, bringing it to reach goals that were considered impossible up until the previous year. Why was he so worried? They were going to be fine. After all, thanks to Sawamura's efforts, they didn't really suck anymore. They were getting pretty strong, actually.

Sawamura, however, didn't seem to be convinced by Kuroo's words, so the former Nekoma captain had to resume talking in order to calm him down. "It's a practice match, isn't it? Just tell me where and when, and I'll be there cheering for you. I can bring the girls as well, the boys on the team love to hear them chanting their names!" he added, smiling encouragingly towards his friend. Moments like that were the ones that made him regret ever dropping volleyball. Probably the team would have become even stronger, with him as a middle blocker. But unfortunately he didn't have enough time for that as well.

"It's in the second gymnasium at 4. And it's not just a practice match, it's the last one before the beginning of the tournament. And our opponent is the most likely candidate to _winning_ the whole thing..." Sawamura explained, and a shiver ran down Kuroo's spine. He immediately put a smile on his face to hide his discomfort.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" he asked, faking enthusiasm when he was actually hoping that _no_ , his roommate wasn't saying anything like that _at all_.

"Yeah, that's right. We'll be playing Bokuto's team tomorrow" Sawamura confirmed. Kuroo stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds.

How could he even stand to watch Bokuto play? They hadn't seen much of each other since they started university. During their third year in high school, they were making plans to go to the same university, and try to play on the same side for once. But then something changed; something that was unavoidable. Kuroo realized that there was no way he was ever going to survive his crush on Bokuto, if they were going to spend so much time together. Since there was no way that his friend could ever return his feelings, the best option was to stay away from him, in hope that time and distance would make him forget all about Bokuto. So Kuroo applied to the university with the best science program, while Bokuto received a scholarship to play with one of the best university volleyball teams in the country. Taking such different paths brought the two to live in different cities, and to seeing each other no more than twice a year when they both went home to Tokyo for the holidays. At the beginning of his second year, Bokuto officially became part of Japan national team, bringing a lot of prestige to his university's team. Kuroo congratulated him over the phone when that happened, about four months ago. That was the last time they spoke.

And now, after so long, Bokuto was coming to play against his school? No way. He wasn't prepared at all to see Bokuto again. But it wasn't like he could say so out lout, because he couldn't let Sawamura know about his crush. Even though the two of them had become good friends, Kuroo was still working on coming out to him, and confessing his love for his high school rival and friend wasn't exactly how he intended to do it. So he had to put up a facade, and act like he was on cloud nine for the opportunity he had to spend some time with Bokuto. So Kuroo clapped his hands a few times, trying to demonstrate how happy he was to see Bokuto again, when in reality he was anything but happy.

"I'll be there, and I'll cheer for you. You'll show Bokuto how strong our school has become, you'll see! And I'm definitely bringing Erin and the other girls, they'll love to watch the match as well!" Kuroo masterfully faked an enthusiasm that he certainly didn't have.

Erin was going to love the opportunity to watch a match like that, Kuroo was sure about that. Erin's father was a former pro player, who had to retire in the early stages of his career because of a knee injury and was now coaching a high school volleyball team that did pretty well at the last nationals. She grew up obsessing over volleyball, so there was no way she was going to pass on the opportunity to watch someone like Bokuto play. After all, what were the odds for another member of the national team to play in their gymnasium? Their team wasn't strong enough to attract that kind of opponents. The only reason why they were playing that match at all, Kuroo thought, was probably because Bokuto insisted to.

"You know that Bokuto would want you to play against him, right?" Sawamura asked, and Kuroo sighed in reply. Oh yes, he could imagine that. Bokuto most likely wanted the opportunity to play against him one more time, but it was impossible. Kuroo wasn't on the volleyball team, and he had no intention of going back. Sure, he missed playing, and his roommate kept asking him to come back in the weirdest moments hoping to catch him off guard and make him accept, but he was standing by his decision. No more volleyball for him, just study, and sometimes the occasional match among friends. Nothing more than that. He was most definitely _not_ going to play against Bokuto's university team.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not coming back to the club" he replied to his friend's inquire.

It was then Sawamura's turn to sigh. "Well, at least I tried" he said, then he shrugged. At that point he fell silent again and resumed his pacing around the room. "Since you're not going to block Bokuto's spikes tomorrow, please let me concentrate, I have to come up with some way to contrast him. His enthusiasm is dangerous" Sawamura stated, and Kuroo only nodded before he changed into his night clothes to go to sleep.

That night, the dorm room the two boys shared was perfectly silent. Not a word, not a sound; not even a light snoring. That could only mean one thing: neither of them was sleeping. They both just lay in bed perfectly still, thinking about what was going to happen the following day. It took them several hours before they were able to fall asleep. Sawamura first, Kuroo sometime later. When the alarm rang early in the morning, signaling the two that they had to get ready for class, they both regretted the heavy thoughts that prevented them from getting enough sleep.

At the first ring of the alarm, Sawamura was already on his feet and ready to go shower. Kuroo, however, wasn't such a morning person. He just turned around and hid his head under his pillow. Without even opening his eyes, he outstretched an arm in order to pat his nightstand, searching for his phone. It didn't take long to find it, and immediately he brought it under the covers in order to be able to see the screen without having to raise his head from the pillow. There weren't any new messages or missed calls, which was good, but also a little disappointing. Bokuto was coming to campus for the day, so why hadn't he tried to contact Kuroo? Wasn't he interested in catching up? No, that wasn't even something he should have been thinking about. He needed to stay as far away as possible from Bokuto, if he wanted his stupid crush to pass.

With a sigh, he went to open his text conversation with Bokuto. The last message was dated a few months ago. Without even thinking about what he was doing, Kuroo started composing a text. He wrote that he'd heard about the match, and that he couldn't wait to see Bokuto again. Then his finger hovered over the "send" button for more than a minute, before he deleted the whole thing and let the cellphone fall on his bed. What was he even thinking? He just couldn't write to Bokuto as if it was nothing. They needed to talk, to assess the current situation of their friendship, before he could go back to chatting with Bokuto the way they did in high school.

***

"Kurooooooooooo!" a voice yelled, loud enough that everyone could hear it. The boy sighed when he heard that not-so-soft voice calling his name, and he turned around to see Erin running towards him waving both hands in the air. In moments like that he could totally understand why most of the boys were too afraid of her to date her.

"Hey Erin. What's up?" he asked when the girl got close enough for him to talk to her without having to yell the way she did.

"How can you not be excited?" she asked, rolling her eyes in disbelief. "A strong volleyball team is coming to play against our school. Can you believe it? _Our_ school!" The girl jumped up and down while she talked, making Kuroo feel nauseous. He didn't have that much energy after the night of almost no sleep that he'd had. But at least Erin already knew about the match, so he didn't have to give many explanations in order to invite her to watch it.

"That's actually something I wanted to talk to you about. Would you like to come watch the match with me? We can of course ask the other girls as well. Sawamura and the boys would love to have you in the audience!" he suggested, and Erin replied with a loud "Hell yeah!" while jumping on his back and latching both arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Kuroo sighed; he was too tired for that, but he still had to carry Erin all the way to the building where they both had their next class.

Later in the day, about two hours before the match, Kuroo was more nervous than Sawamura. Still, he was trying to make his roommate calm down. They were inside their dorm, both sitting on Sawamura's bed. The volleyball player had his face hidden behind both hands, while Kuroo had a hand on his friend's back.

"Come on, it's getting late. Your team is probably practicing for the match already. The captain will crumble without you by his side. Come, now. You need to get to the gymnasium. Also, you need to greet your guests, don't you think?" Kuroo tried to convince Sawamura to move.

The boy didn't seem to like the idea to leave the room, but in the end he did. "See you later at the game" was the last thing he said before he left. At that point, Kuroo was alone in his room again. Without even thinking about what he was doing, he checked his phone for new messages or missed calls. It had been silent the entire morning, after all. Still nothing from Bokuto, though. Just a text from Kazaku saying that Erin had told her about the match and she was in. Very good. She was the last one who still needed to let him know, since Erin was of course coming, and Yoko-chan had told him yes earlier in chemistry class.

Everything was in place, then. He was going to attend the match with his friends, cheering for their school, boosting the morale of Sawamura and the other boys on the team. And he was _not_ going to think about Bokuto the entire time. He was _not_ going to stare at Bokuto like a thirsty man in the desert looking at water. He was going to act normally, because he didn't want the girls to suspect his crush on Bokuto. He wouldn't have heard the end of it! They couldn't know that he was madly in love with his high school friend. Well, just to be sure, it was also for the best if they didn't know Bokuto was his high school friend at all. It would have spared him a lot of awkward questions he really didn't want to answer.

***

Twenty minutes before the starting time of the match, Kuroo met with Yoko-chan, Erin and Kazaku outside the gymnasium. They entered, looking for somewhere to sit. Erin found a few seats right in front of the railing that was separating the upper rows from the court downstairs. They could see pretty decently from there, even though they knew that they were never going to sit the entire time. In fact, they were pretty sure that they were going to spend the entire time standing at the railing, because that way they could see a lot better.

When they got to their position, both teams were warming up on the two sides of the net. Their school's team captain was the first one to notice their arrival, and he informed the rest of the boys that Sawamura's friend had arrived with the girls. Well, Kuroo couldn't really hear what he was saying from up there, especially with the loud sound of spiked balls all over the gym, but he had been to enough of their games to know how things worked in a situation like that by now. So he smiled when Sawamura turned to look at him, and winked in his direction, giving him a thumbs up at the same time. After all, the entire purpose of Kuroo being there was to cheer for Sawamura and the other boys. He needed to show his support, somehow. And he needed to at least try not to stare at Bokuto.

Well, that last part was way more difficult than he could have ever imagined, because Bokuto was right down there, practicing spikes, and he was even more amazing than the last time Kuroo had seen him play at nationals on their third year of high school. The way he jumped, the strength he put in each spike. He'd gotten so much better. And since the last time they'd seen each other, several months before, he'd also become way hotter. Kuroo really didn't think something like that was possible, but he had to change idea on that specific part. Bokuto really was just perfect, and he couldn't take his eyes off of him. Maybe, Kuroo thought, promising Sawamura that he was going to watch the entire match had been a bad decision on his part. Because they were still in the middle of warm-up and he already wanted to flee the scene, and put as much distance as possible between himself and Bokuto.

He'd decided to go to a different university than his friend in order to stay away from him, hoping that the distance would mend his broken heart, make him forget all about that boy he'd loved so much in high school. But it didn't work. It didn't work at all, actually. Because now Bokuto was standing in his school's gym and all he could think about was to run down to him and hug him, maybe even kiss him. No, of course he couldn't do any of that. It would have been way too weird. Therefore, all he could do was just stand there, looking at Bokuto while his heart made somersaults inside his chest.

Erin, Kuroo could notice, was staring at Bokuto as well. And she was pretty excited as well, while showing to the other two girls a magazine she'd brought along. Kuroo could easily recognize it as a monthly volleyball magazine that he used to buy all the time since he was kid, but he'd missed most of the issues since he'd started university. From what he could see, looking from over Yoko-chan's shoulder, the issue that Erin had brought along was from four months ago, and it showed the new additions to the national team. She was pointing at Bokuto's picture, crazy about the fact that she was going to watch someone from the national team play in person. Of course. On a normal day, Kuroo loved the fact that Erin was so much into volleyball, but right now the other side of the coin was that she knew about Bokuto, and she probably would have never shut up about him if she'd known that Kuroo knew him. Since he still had a little pride, Kuroo didn't want to tell his girlfriends that he was madly in love with a straight guy like Bokuto, that he'd been for years actually, so he very much preferred that they didn't find out he knew Bokuto at all. It would have made things way easier for him.

Unfortunately, however, luck was never on his side when he really needed it. From his position against the railing, he saw Bokuto approach the net separating the two sides of the court, calling for Sawamura. When Sawamura reached him, Bokuto greeted him by hugging him, smiling at his old rival.

"Wait, your roommate _knows_ Bokuto?" Erin asked, shocked. But Kuroo didn't have the time or the mental lucidity to come up with an answer to that question. No, because Bokuto asked something to Sawamura, and his stupid roommate turned to look in his direction and pointed right at Kuroo in the crowd, with a huge smile painted on his face. Bokuto started to turn in his direction as well, and Kuroo just panicked. He didn't want Bokuto to see him, he couldn't stand it. So he did the first stupid thing that came to his mind. Just as if he was receiving a tough ball, he dived to the ground. From there, he sat down with his back against the railing, knees to his chest, hiding. He was breathing unevenly, fists clenched around the hems of the hoodie he was wearing, heart hammering in his chest. Because Bokuto looked in his direction, most likely looking for him, and he couldn't stand it. He didn't want to be seen. So he hid like a coward.

At first, the girls didn't even notice his disappearance, since he'd been so quick. From his position on the floor, however, Kuroo could see Erin wave towards the court, jumping up and down excitedly. "Sawamura is showing Bokuto our cheering section. He's looking right here!" she said. Luckily, sometimes she could be as dense as Kazaku when she wanted to. At the moment, in fact, she was so excited about the entire situation that she couldn't make the connection between Bokuto and Kuroo. Well, it was better that way.

Kuroo didn't know for how long Bokuto was going to look in that direction, so he wasn't sure about how long he needed to stay hidden. When he heard the whistle signaling the beginning of the match, however, he thought it was safe enough to stand up again. All three girls stared at him with suspicion when he stood up dusting off his pants, almost as if it was the most normal action in the world. Erin, however, returned her attention to the court immediately, as the game was more important than his weird behavior.

When the game started, Kuroo stood back up and watched it mostly in silence. He was of course cheering for his school's team, he'd promised Sawamura that he was going to, but it was forced out of him. Deep inside, in silence, he was rooting for Bokuto, after all. Seeing him like that, after all that time, he still couldn't stop himself from wanting to cheer for him. It was some kind of special power that Bokuto had always had: everyone wanted to be on his side. And Kuroo, of course, wasn't any different.

"You know? That Bokuto guy is just amazing" Erin commented after Bokuto scored the third point of the first set. "And Sawamura seems to know him, which is pretty amazing. Maybe I'll ask him if he can introduce me, after the game" she continued. Kuroo clenched his fists when he heard those words. He wasn't jealous or anything but... well, no, he was kind of jealous. Erin was going to hit on Bokuto for sure, and he envied her because she could just do it without being stared at in any weird way. Bokuto would have never understood, if Kuroo had been the one hitting on him. Erin, on the other hand, was a girl, so she was free to do as it pleased her. Sometimes life was so unfair!

The game went on, and Kuroo kept staring at Bokuto as much as possible. He always found a reason to hide whenever the other boy was looking his way, like tying his shoe or picking up something he'd dropped, but the rest of the time he couldn't take his eyes off of Bokuto. He had a dreamy expression painted on his face, something that at least one of his friends didn't fail to notice. After all, both Erin and Kazaku seemed to be interested in Bokuto as well, but since Erin was also into the game, Kazaku was the only one who noticed Kuroo's staring. Yoko-chan, in the meantime, was sitting in her chair, studying instead of looking at the court, and only applauding when she heard the rest of the audience do the same.

"It looks like someone here has a crush on enemy team's number 6!" Kazaku said, almost chanting those words. Kuroo blushed, feeling guilty. He tried his best to stop looking at the number 6 printed on Bokuto's shirt, but it was somehow out of his control. He really couldn't stop staring.

He wasn't, however, the only one staring, because Erin was doing the same. "Busted! I'm so in love right now..." the girl replied, sure that Kazaku was talking about her. Erin's eyes hadn't left the court even while she was talking. Kuroo, on the other hand, was pretty worried, as he didn't want to confess his feelings for Bokuto to the girls: he would have never heard the end of it, if he'd done it. Therefore, Kuroo looked at Erin immediately after he heard her talking. Maybe he was just worrying too much, and Kazaku was talking about Erin after all.

"Actually, Erin-chan, I was talking about Kuroo-kun" Kazaku said, and immediately silence fell in the group. Kuroo gazed at each of his friends, finding all of them staring at him now. Erin seemed confused, since she'd been too taken by the match to even notice what Kuroo was doing. Yoko-chan, on the other hand, closed her book and stood up, joining the others at the railing. She was giving Kuroo a few inquisitional looks that made the boy avoid looking at her; he ended up staring at Sawamura, just to stop feeling embarrassed. It wasn't working very well, but at least it helped him really concentrate on the match for the first time since it started.

For the rest of the game, Kuroo did his best to just follow the ball. Whenever Bokuto was touching the ball, however, the let his gaze wander on his body, and even after he'd returned the ball, Kuro still allowed his eyes to linger on the target. He tried to be discrete, hoping that his friends wouldn't notice what he was doing. Erin, however, was too concentrated on the match to even notice that he was still there. Kazaku, on the other hand, was looking at the players, commenting on how hot this or that guy was. Yoko-chan was the only one, at this point, who was gazing at Kuroo way more than she was watching the game.

On the court, things weren't good at all for Sawamura and co. Not only Bokuto was scoring way too much, but his team also had a middle blocker who was able to stop pretty much everything that was coming his way. Kuroo had heard of him, when they were in high school. He used to play for Shiratorizawa, and people called him the Guess Monster. That was the first time Kuroo had seen that Tendou guy in action. The guessed blocks he used were so different from Kuroo's read blocks, usually way less accurate, but in Tendou's case they just seemed to be the perfect fit. He was able to shut down two spikes out of three coming his way, and even an excellent middle blocker such as Kuroo had to admit that, when it came to Tendou, using his own unique style was the most effective thing he could do.

It was the end of the first set when Tendou barely touched the spike coming his way. He wasn't able to shut it down, but it gave a chance ball to his team. Ball that was received by the libero and passed to the setter, who tossed it right for Bokuto to spike it. Bokuto took a three steps run-up from the side and jumped even higher than he'd done up to that moment. He hit the ball and smashed it to the ground, right past the blockers. The power of the spike made the ball bounce high enough that some guy in the audience was hit by it in the chest and almost fell. At that point, the entire crowd was in ecstasy. Almost nobody cared about the fact that he was on the opposing team, that they were supposed to cheer for the home team. Every single member of the audience was on Bokuto's side at the moment.

Erin yelled so loud that she caught Bokuto's attention. The spiker turned towards her and he laid his eyes on Kuroo. For a moment, the two of them looked at each other from the distance, then Bokuto raised a hand to wave at him. That was enough for Kuroo to feel the need to disappear again. Therefore, the moment Bokuto started waving at him, Kuroo was already squatting behind the railing. Neither Erin nor Kazaku noticed it, though. They were both too busy waving back to Bokuto, each of them trying to get the other out of the way, both convinced that they were the one Bokuto was waving at. Kuroo, on the other hand, was pretty sure that Bokuto was actually waving at _him_ , meaning that he was actually conscious of Kuroo's whereabouts in the audience. Not good at all!

From his position, hidden behind the railing, Kuroo couldn't see Bokuto's expression. He couldn't see the sadness in his eyes, when his gesture wasn't returned by a smiling Kuroo. But the game was still long and he needed to concentrate on that; there was going to be time, after it was over, to look for Kuroo and talk to him after such a long time of separation.

The game went on, and Bokuto kept scoring almost every time he touched the ball. The other team's wall couldn't do anything against his destructive power. After every point he scored, he tried to turn towards a certain area, looking for someone in particolar in the middle of the crowd. As soon as Bokuto's eyes were on his, however, Kuroo turned his gaze elsewhere. That way, Bokuto caught Kuroo looking at Sawamura, at the referee, staring at the ceiling, facing the opposite side than the court, or talking to Yoko-chan. The important thing was that he never locked his gaze with Bokuto's because he would have been lost if he'd done it.

"You know, there are only so many times that one can avoid another person without becoming too obvious. Are you okay? Erin and Minako seem to be so taken by that number 6 guy, but you're the one with the most suspicious attitude, you know?" Yoko-chan whispered in Kuroo's ear at some point, while he was trying to avoid once again Bokuto's eyes by leaning towards this classmate and starting a pointless conversation.

He blushed when he realized that Yoko-chan was probably getting somewhere dangerous with her reasoning. She was incredibly smart, after all, and on top of that she was a girl, so it was only fair that at some point she was going to find out what he was doing; and most of all _why_ he was doing it. After all, girls always knew somehow.

More than halfway through the second set, Yoko-chan started with her very insistent questions. "Why are you avoiding the guy's gaze?" she asked, and again "Why do you feel the need to hide from him?" Yoko-chan was obviously very close to figuring out what the problem was. Kuroo, however, was adamant on keeping things for himself.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Kuroo replied to each of the girl's questions. Of course she knew he was lying, even he could tell that he wasn't fooling anyone with his words, but at least he got extra points for trying.

In the meantime, the game went on and Bokuto's team was of course about to win straight sets. The first set went to his team with a score of 25 - 12. The second set wasn't going to be much different, because they were currently at 21 - 13. Even though Sawamura had worked so hard to improve the general level of his team, they still weren't even close to the opposing team's level. Bokuto alone would have been enough to dominate the entire game, if it wasn't for Sawamura receiving some of his spikes and serves. Sawamura was definitely the best player on his side of the court, and he was starting to look a little frustrated. Kuroo felt sorry for him.

Against the great owl that was Bokuto, Sawamura didn’t look like a proud and resilient crow at all. On the contrary, he seemed to have much more in common with another kind of bird. Persistent; oblivious. Pathetic. More that a crow, Sawamura looked like a pigeon. A big pigeon who thought he could take on the owl and win. How crazy was that? Nobody could beat the owl. Bokuto was too great, too perfect, to lose against just anybody. Sure, their team didn’t suck that much anymore, and Sawamura was doing, as always, a better job than the captain at keeping the team together. But in the end a pigeon was still a pigeon. It didn’t matter how creative he could get, he was never going to be able to win against a bird of prey.

The game was about to end, Bokuto's team was now two points away from victory, and Kuroo couldn't stop himself from trying to see the expression painted on Sawamura's face. After more than a year as roommates, he'd come to care about Sawamura a lot. He was the only real guy friend he had at university, since the people he was always with were all girls. Also, Sawamura was the only connection to his past that he had in that place. He didn't want to see his friend suffer from that defeat, not after all the effort he'd put in the training of the team. Kuroo would have given anything to see his roommate come back to their dorm with his head held high, that evening. Instead, he knew that he was going to have to console Sawamura. Because after all he'd been a pigeon in the field for the day.

At the same time, however, he was also happy for Bokuto's win. His long time crush was often conditioned by his own emotions, but he was also able to drag other people along. Every time he laughed, or even just smiled, everyone who saw him felt the need to do the same. Kuroo wanted to be sad for Sawamura, but he wasn't completely able to do that, because at the same time he was proud of Bokuto and he wanted to see that awesome smile always painted on his face. Bokuto was just plain amazing, and Kuroo was so screwed.

***

The moment the game ended, Kuroo didn't have time to do anything at all. He thought about going to wait for Sawamura outside the locker room, hoping that he could find a way to cheer him up while he waited for the other to finish with his shower. He also thought about the possibility to go get a coffee with the girls, or maybe the four of them plus Sawamura. He didn't have, however, any time to process before something entirely different caught his attention.

Tendou and a couple of others tried to hug Bokuto to celebrate the victory, but the spiker slipped through the crowd of teammates and ran towards the side of the court. He jumped to the other side of the barricade that was separating the court from the rest of the gymnasium, then he continued his run-up. He jumped again, landing with a foot on a table, and from there he used the support of the table to dash upwards. That was the moment his hands grabbed the railing in front of where Kuroo and the girls were, about to start talking about what they were going to do now that the game was over. After a short struggle, Bokuto climbed the railing and he landed in front of Erin, who yelled in surprise when she saw him. Bokuto, however, ignored her entirely, because he was only looking at Kuroo.

At that point, being so close after such a long time, Kuroo found himself unable to avoid his gaze any longer. The two of them locked eyes, and Kuroo even hinted a smile in his direction. That was probably what Bokuto needed to cheer himself up, because at that point he tossed himself at his high school friend without hesitation, his movements accompanied by the yell of "Kurooooooo!"

Before he could even think about how to react, Kuroo found himself engulfed in Bokuto's hug. "Did you miss me?" Bokuto asked while still crushing Kuroo with his hug. "Because I missed you soooo much! Why did you disappear on me? I almost thought you died! I had to set up this match just to see you again..." he kept saying.

Kuroo noticed the way the girls were looking at him. It was now pretty obvious that he knew Bokuto too, that Sawamura wasn't the only one. And he knew him pretty well, considering how much familiarity Bokuto was using while interacting with him. Erin was glaring at him with resentment, while Kazaku was staring with envy. Only Yoko-chan seemed to be genuinely worried about him. In fact, she was probably the only one out of the three who was thinking about him and not herself at the moment. What a wonderful person she was! She would have made a perfect wife, if only Kuroo had had any interest in girls at all.

Knowing pretty well that he couldn't just keep ignoring Bokuto's attentions, Kuroo used quick and mechanical gestures to briefly return the hug, then he tried to get away from Bokuto's hold. Easier said than done, of course, because Bokuto kept his right arm around Kuroo's neck anyway. It was almost as if he didn't want to get separated from his friend again after so much time apart.

"I didn't disappear on you..." Kuroo tried to defend himself when he was finally able to regain the ability to talk. The guilty look on his face though, and the way he was gazing at the floor, made it pretty clear that he was lying. He had, indeed, been avoiding Bokuto altogether. The last text message in their chat conversation was from Bokuto, saying that he was going to wait for Kuroo's call when he was free enough to meet. And that had been four months ago, when Kuroo had congratulated Bokuto for making the national team. Did it mean that Bokuto had really been waiting to receive a call from him in order to organize something together? Had he really been such an ass? Well, yes, of course he had. But it was for his own good. He needed to keep away from Bokuto, he needed space to heal his self-inflicted wounds. He would have never been able to forget Bokuto if he'd kept seeing him. It would have made the sacrifice of going to different universities useless.

He sighed, trying to smile at Bokuto. "Sorry Bo, I was pretty busy" he finally corrected himself. Insisting that he hadn't disappeared would have been straight out lying, but at least this way he could keep up a little of appearance.

Bokuto seemed to get a little hurt by those words, but he immediately shook his head and waved his left hand in front of both of their faces. "Don't mind. We're here together now. And have you seen how amazing I was on the court?" he tried to use his enthusiasm to infect Kuroo as well.

"Sure, you were great" Kuroo had to reply, because after all it was true. Bokuto's face brightened completely at that.

"I just wish I had someone in the opposing team who could give me more of a hard time, you know? Sure, Sawamura is good and all, but the rest of his team kind of sucks. No offence, I know it's your school and all, but I think they're not displaying their best assets, if you know what I mean. After all, there aren't many people who can make me work hard to score a point. Except for Tendou, who luckily is on my team, only three other middle blockers can make me break a real sweat. You know the two who are still in high school, since you're the one trained them. But truth is that you've always been my biggest pain in the ass. I miss the wicked smile you have when you stuff all of my spikes!" Bokuto commented, his voice nostalgic while talking about the old times.

"Let me get this straight: you want to play against me so that I can kick your ass?" Kuroo asked, a smile on his face. Bokuto shook his head. "No, I want to play against you to show you that now I can kick your ass even more than I did before!" the boy explained.

"Wait a second." Both boys were so engulfed in their own little conversation that they had forgotten almost entirely of the three girls that were standing right beside them. Erin's words got their full attention, though. When they were both looking at her, she kept talking, her mouth hanging open, eyes locked on Kuroo. "I never thought that you were such a good player, Kuroo-kun" she marveled.

Bokuto grinned. "It's because you probably have never seen him play for real" he replied, strengthening the hold around Kuroo's neck with his arm. "Right, Kuroo?" he then added, smiling in a conspiratorial way towards his old friend. Kuroo couldn't do anything other than grin back at him.

Kuroo was almost starting to feel at ease, even though Bokuto was so close. He was well aware of the fact that he was going to suffer, after Bokuto's departure the following day, considering that he had no idea of when they were going to see each other again, but for the moment he was just happy to be able to be with his friend again. A part of him, though, kept telling him that it was time to run away again, that the more time he spent with Bokuto now, the more he was going to suffer at the moment of separation. Was he even going to listen to that part of himself? After all, that was the part of him that had made him keep his distance from Bokuto for all of those months. 

He was entirely lost in his own reasoning, when Bokuto's words brought him back to reality.

"Come on, Kuroo! Let's get out for a drink tonight! We can celebrate how awesome I am. And we can invite Sawamura as well, it will cheer him up for sure after the defeat he suffered. We can reminisce about high school, and how my team used to kick both of your teams' asses at training camp. You know, good stuff from the past!" Bokuto said, his right arm still wrapped around Kuroo's neck. Kuroo was feeling like he was about to go insane just because of that touch.

"I don't think Sawamura would like to hear about you beating him after... you know, you just beat him again" Kuroo commented, trying to point out a huge hole in Bokuto's logic.

Bokuto seemed to reason about that point for a few seconds. He even scratched his chin, lost in thought. "Then we can talk about his team kicking your team's ass at nationals. You know, the same nationals my team won. Because I'm the top one ace in Japan!" Bokuto finally affirmed, nodding a little, incredibly proud of his accomplishment. Kuroo rolled his eyes hearing those words. The top one didn't even make any sense, but it was so Bokuto that he had to let it go, a smile on his face. Years had passed, but Bokuto was still the same. As genuine and dense as ever. And in a way it was kind of comforting, to tell the truth.

Kuroo, however, didn't really feel like going. Bokuto had his ways to drag people into doing things they didn't want to, meaning that he would have made Kuroo drink too much. And if he'd drunk too much, he would have done something really stupid. He didn't want to embarrass himself in front of his friends, in front of the people he was going to school with. And he didn't want to lose control over his own body when Bokuto was in close proximity, because he didn't even know what he could have done if something like that had happened. Was he going to confess to Bokuto, or even just tell him that he'd been avoiding him for months? It would have been a huge disaster! But at the same time he was well aware of the fact that he didn't have much of a choice. Bokuto had that way of talking, and that innocent look, that somehow he always got whatever he wanted. Therefore, if he wanted Kuroo to go out drinking with him, then Kuroo was probably going to need to get ready for a few drinks.

"I don't think it's a good idea, you know. I mean, me drinking. I need to wake up early tomorrow, to study" Kuroo tried to get out of the invitation, apologizing politely for not being able to attend. The moment he mentioned studying, both Erin and Kazaku made the same disgusted face as Bokuto. The three of them, in fact, couldn't believe how someone could have even thought about the possibility of wasting time studying when there were way more interesting activities to do. Such as drinking.

Yoko-chan was the only one who could see right through him. Since the two of them were study buddies, she knew pretty well all of his studying routines. Meaning that she knew all too well that he was lying through his teeth. He didn't have to study at all, he just wanted to use it as an excuse to get out of that night of drinking with Bokuto. The girl, however, was too kind to blow his cover. Therefore she didn't say anything, but she glared at him, making him understand that she knew what he was trying to do. She wasn't one for drinking, on the contrary of her other friends, but she was firmly against lying, and she couldn't stand that Kuroo was lying in order to get away from Bokuto. But who was she to judge him now? She didn't even know the full story! Had she known, she would have understood what he was trying to do. She would have never tried to tell him with her eyes that he needed to tell the truth, because the truth was too ugly and painful to be told at all.

"Come on, don't be such a buzzkill!" Bokuto complained. The expression on his face, as well as the tone of his voice, changed completely while he talked, making him look way more childish than he usually did.

"Yes, let's all go have a drink tonight. It could be fun!" Kazaku said, and then she concentrated her attention on Bokuto. She offered him her hand and smiled, pushing her chest a little forward so that her boobs would be easier to see. "Kazaku Minako, pleased to meet you" she finally introduced herself.

Seeing what the other girl was doing, Erin jumped forward in order to position herself right in front of her friend. She even used her ass to hit Kazaku's hip to push her out of the way, in a clear sign that she had all the intention of getting Bokuto's attention for herself. "Mizutoshi Erin, huge fan. Can I have your autograph? Or just a drink together, you know, whatever you prefer" she started talking really fast, he eyes shining bright with emotion.

And now Kuroo was just feeling jealous. Because the two of them were free to be so forward with Bokuto, without any fear of retaliation. Who knew, maybe one of them was even going to get lucky with him after drinks. While Kuroo? Well, all he could do was watch in silence. It wasn't fair at all, he knew that, but he couldn't do anything about it either. Still, that only gave him one more reason not to go: he didn't want to see Bokuto kiss any of his friends. If he'd told the girls that he had feelings for Bokuto, they would have stopped for sure, but he didn't want to. Those girls had always thought that he was the coolest gay guy to ever walk the Earth. He didn't want them to see him as a pathetic being who couldn't even be happy for his friends when they got what they wanted.

Kuroo really put his foot down on that matter. He didn't want to go out for drinks. And he wanted to preserve a little of Sawamura's dignity in addition to his own, so he kept refusing the invitation on behalf of his roommate as well. Bokuto, however, didn't want to accept no for an answer, and he kept insisting. Kuroo had almost forgotten how persistent he could get, when he really wanted something. It was something that he'd always admired about Bokuto, actually, but right now it was playing against him. Because he would have wanted for Bokuto to just give up and leave him be. Just go away and leave Kuroo alone to lick his wounds once again, just like he had to do every other time they interacted. There was still a part of Kuroo, however, that was feeling flattered because of the way Bokuto kept insisting. That part of him was also keeping hope alive for him, or at least it was trying to. Because Kuroo knew better than to wish for something that he couldn't have, but he couldn't stop himself from wondering what things could have been like if Bokuto had just reciprocated his feelings.

In the end, Erin and Kazaku joined Bokuto in insisting until Kuroo had to capitulate. They were probably afraid that their only way to hang out with Bokuto was if Kuroo was with them, so they insisted pretty badly so that he could change his mind. He couldn't keep saying no to the three of them, so he finally gave up. And he had to promise that he was going to bring Sawamura along as well. His roommate didn't know about his feelings for Bokuto, he didn't even know that Kuroo was gay, meaning that he would have been the perfect distraction for Kuroo. He was going to concentrate all evening on the fact that Sawamura was probably upset because of the defeat, and focusing all of his attentions towards someone else was going to help him keep his mind off of Bokuto and whatever he was going to do after a few drinks.

"Fine, fine, I'm coming. I'll tell Sawamura after he's done showering" he finally said, raising both hands in defense. "And about showering" he turned towards Bokuto. "How about you go do it as well? I'm sorry my friend, but you really stink!" he stated.

Bokuto pointed his nose upwards when he heard those words, but in the end he smiled and gave Kuroo another friendly hug before he ran away yelling "See ya later!"

After he was gone, both Erin and Kazaku pretty much assaulted Kuroo, asking him millions of questions regarding Bokuto. They asked him how they'd met, why Kuroo had never talked about that particular friendship, and so much more. Kuroo felt almost attacked by their curiosity, and he ended up getting in a defense position, both arms in front of his own chest as if he was shielding himself from their questions. The only one who wasn't participating in the verbal assault was Yoko-chan, of which he was truly grateful to her.

"Come on girls, leave him alone. Why don't you go get ready for tonight?" Yoko-chan suggested, and immediately both Erin and Kazaku stopped talking and just rushed out of the gymnasium. When they were gone, and Kuroo was finally alone with Yoko-chan, the boy realized that he was literally alone with her. There was nobody else inside the gymnasium, except for the people cleaning up after the game played. He couldn't stop himself from sighing in relief.

"You're so obvious, Kuroo-kun" Yoko-chan commented out of the blue, taking Kuroo completely by surprise. "What? I don't know what you're talking about!" Kuroo tried to defend himself. What was she even up to? "For how many years have you been in love with him?" the girl finally asked.

Kuroo sighed once again. There was no more denying it, then. The cat was out of the bag, and somehow he had to confess that it made him feel just a little bit better. "First year of high school, give or take" he stated, his body sagging slightly while he talked.

Yoko-chan felt sorry for him, and she slowly patted him on the back while smiling politely at him. So great! And now his friend thought he was pathetic. At least, though, it was only Yoko-chan who was seeing him at his lowest. He would have never survived either Erin or Kazaku seeing him like that!

"Stop thinking about it, Kuroo-kun. Come on, let's go find Sawamura-san and get ready for tonight" the girl finally suggested. Kuroo thanked her with his eyes. She was a real life-saver, even if she probably didn't even realize how much her help and support meant for Kuroo in that precise moment.

***

There was a bar close to campus. Most of the university students used to go there in the evening. There was so much affluence that the owner organized a special event every day of the week. That evening was the 'pay two shots and drink three' night, that occurred twice a week. It was a students' favorite, of course, because it allowed them to ingurgitate huge amounts of alcohol with low prices. Kuroo wasn't the kind of person to take advantage of that kind of events, though, and most of his friends weren't either. The only one who never missed an evening like that was Erin, who somehow always managed to find some drunk guy to take advantage of. Sometimes, Kazaku went with her as well, and she usually ended up being the one who guys took advantage of while she was drunk, if she didn't have anyone to stop her from doing something stupid. The sporadic times that Kuroo and the others had followed those two, Kuroo's night had consisted mostly in being Kazaku's fake boyfriend on Yoko-chan's orders, so that he could stop her from sleeping with random guys she was never going to remember of the following day. Just once Yoko-chan had asked Sawamura to do the same for Erin, but that had definitely not ended well, especially for Sawamura.

Bokuto had heard of that place from one of his teammates, who had heard about it from a member of the home team. Therefore, that was exactly where Bokuto had decided that they were going for those drinks. The moment Kuroo stepped into the bar, Sawamura by his side and the girls right behind, his eyes started immediately to scan the entire room, looking for a certain someone. Bokuto was loud and he had his ways of standing out in any kind of crowd. And in fact, after only taking two steps inside, Kuroo was greeted by someone yelling his name. Over the crowd, he could see Bokuto waving both arms in the air, so that Kuroo and the others could see where he was.

"Well, there's Bokuto. Okay, let's go" Sawamura stated when he saw the other boy as well. Then he was the first one to start walking in that direction, followed soon by everyone else.

When they reached Bokuto, they could see that he was sitting at a table with some of his teammates, and they already had several empty shot glasses on their table. They had gone at least three rounds each, judging by the number of empty glasses, but there was no way to understand if there had been any more before those. Bokuto looked a little tipsy, but except for that he was the same as always: cheerful, loud, and oh so gorgeous. Yes, Kuroo hadn't even started drinking yet, and he was already completely screwed.

How was he supposed to stop thinking about Bokuto? How was he supposed to stop looking at him? Now more than ever, he thought that drinking could be really bad for him in such a situation. Sure, it would have maybe relieved him a little of his troubled thoughts, but at what price? He would have risked doing something stupid, something he couldn't go back from. No, it was better to go easy on the alcohol.

And going easy on the alcohol ended up not being as easy as he'd initially thought. Bokuto hated to see him without a full glass in hand, so he kept trying to buy him stuff to drink. Sure, Kuroo drank a few of those shots, but of course not all of them. Everything he didn't want to drink, Sawamura was drinking for him. It looked like his roommate had completely given up on his reputation as a calm, controlled and balanced guy that he'd always had since his high school days, and for just one night he was trying to drink himself under the table. It was the first time, in such a long time living together, that Kuroo had seen Sawamura drink more than a single beer on a night out. He didn't even look like the same guy who had lectured Kuroo every time _he_ had been the one getting a little drunk to celebrate after an exam.

Erin and Kazaku were drinking a lot as well. Erin was more used to alcohol, so she ended up outdrinking most of the guys on Bokuto's team pretty fast. They all went crazy for that, and they all ended up hitting on the girl. Kuroo would have wanted to say something to those guys, but he knew better than to intervene when Erin was with some guys. She could have killed him for less! After a while, Erin gave up on Bokuto and ended up leaving the bar with Tendou. Kuroo was a little perplexed at first, but he wasn't upset at all. Erin leaving with someone else meant that she was one less person trying to steal Bokuto away from him. Okay, Bokuto wasn't even giving him that much attention, but whatever. It was mostly a matter of principle.

After spending a little more than one hour at the bar, Yoko-chan leaned towards Kuroo in order to talk to his ear, so that he could be the only one to hear her talking. "You look like someone just killed your cat. You either cheer up or go home" she stated, then she kissed him on the cheek and stood up.

"Wait, where are you going?" he asked, alarmed by the fact that she seemed to be leaving. She was the only ally he had left at the moment, she couldn't just abandon him with Bokuto, a drunken Kazaku and an even drunker Sawamura.

"I'm going to bed. And to make sure that Erin isn't doing anything disgusting in my room" she replied. She waited in silence for a second or two, then she resumed talking. "Wanna come with me?" she suggested.

Kuroo really thought about it, even considering leaving with her for a moment, then he just shook his head. "I think I'm going to stick here a little longer" he replied, using a quick movement of his head to point at Sawamura, who was raising a shot glass in the air before drinking it in one go. Kuroo had lost count of how many his roommate had downed already; probably still not as many as Bokuto, though. "I'm gonna keep an eye on him" he added in words, just to make sure that he was passing the correct message to the girl.

Yoko-chan gave him a suspicious look, but she didn't talk any longer, and that was a plus. Then she said goodnight to everyone and left.

As the evening went on, Kuroo was starting to regret not taking Yoko-chan up on her offer. He could have left with her, and that way nobody could have asked any questions on where he was going. He could have passed for the playboy leaving the bar with his conquest for the night, and he could have taken advantage of the situation to just retreat to his dormroom and hide for the rest of the evening; hide until Bokuto left town in the morning. Instead he'd been stupid, so he was still there.

Bokuto was the same as always, meaning that he was capturing everyone's attention and keeping it focused on himself. Everyone inside the bar couldn't stop string at him, one way or another. He was the only person at his table who was standing instead of sitting down, and he kept jumping around the table in order to quickly reach each of the people he was with. His teammates who were at the table with them didn't seem to care much about his attitude, a clear sign that they'd already experienced a similar situation with him in the past.

Both Kazaku and Sawamura seemed to be feeling perfectly at ease at that table. The only one who wasn't feeling that good was Kuroo. The more alcohol he saw pass in front of him, the more he wanted to drink. Not because he wanted to get wasted, but only because that was the only way he knew of to stop thinking about Bokuto and suffering about it. As always, Bokuto was talking with everyone, hugging everyone, and smiling at random people while he touched them. Kuroo would have wanted that kind of attention all to himself. Was he too naive to think that Bokuto should have concentrated those attentions on him? Yes, he probably was. After all, Bokuto wasn't his to control. He was a free spirit, who always did whatever pleased him.

That couldn't stop Kuroo from being jealous. He would have given anything to just stop feeling the way he was. He would have loved to be able to laugh and talk with Bokuto the way everyone else did, without that insane hope that one day Bokuto could just turn around and kiss him out of the blue. Something that, he was well aware, was never going to happen in a million years.

At some point, Kuroo realized that the evening he was spending at the bar wasn't fun or relaxing at all. It was just pure torture, and nothing more than that. He needed it to be over, and soon. He should have gone home with Yoko-chan when he'd had the chance!

He was taken out of his thoughts and back to reality when something - or someone - beside him violently crashed to the floor, producing a loud noise. He quickly turned around to see that Sawamura had badly failed to stand up and walk. He was so drunk that he couldn't even stand still on his own without losing his footing. Kuroo had never seen him like that before; actually, he'd never thought that someone like Sawamura could even get that wasted. So calm, so controlled, and now so smashed. He was going to hurt himself and others if someone didn't do something about it, and quick.

That was when Kuroo thanked his good star for the new opportunity to leave that he'd just received. He quickly stood up and helped Sawamura to his feet, letting his roommate lean on him for support. He grabbed the other boy's waist firmly with both arms, and in response Sawamura leaned completely against him. He was now supporting completely the other's weight. Only then Kuroo turned towards Bokuto. "Hey Bo, I think that he's had more than enough to drink. I think we'll call it a night, so that I can put him to bed before he gets hurt" he said, trying to put a little disappointment in his voice, almost as if he was leaving even though he didn't want to.

"No waaaaaaaay. Just leave him in a corner somewhere and stay here!" Bokuto tried to protest. He was now so drunk that his words were slurred, one of his eyes halfway closed, and he looked like he wasn't even entirely there. Not even Bokuto, in fact, would have abandoned Sawamura in a moment of need. If he was suggesting that Kuroo abandoned him, then, it meant that he was definitely too far gone.

"He's my roommate, the one who takes care of me on a daily basis and makes sure I don't starve to death when I'm studying too much before an exam. I think I kind of owe it to him to take him back to our room and put him to bed right now" Kuroo decided to explain. After all, that wasn't even a lie. He had lost count of how many times Sawamura had brought him food during his intense study sessions, when he was so concentrated on his books that he'd even forgotten to eat. So he really owed his roommate to help him back in a moment of need.

"At least come back later... pretty please!" Bokuto tried to beg him, and Kuroo had to turn his gaze somewhere else, because his friend was giving him those puppy dog eyes that made it impossible to tell him no.

"I'm pretty tired as well. Let's see how it goes, okay? I'll try to come back, but if I'm too tired I'm just going to bed" Kuroo replied.

Bokuto didn't seem to be too happy about it, but then he sighed and nodded, silently allowing Kuroo to leave. He didn't say goodbye, because he probably was sure that Kuroo was coming back. Kuroo, on the other hand, had no intention of coming back, so he took a few seconds before leaving, just to take in the sight of Bokuto in all of his beauty, because he didn't know for sure how long it was going to be before they saw each other again. Then, when he felt a little more ready, he took a deep breath and left, carrying the dead weight of Sawamura with him towards their shared room.

***

It was about midnight when Kuroo finally entered his bed. He'd taken off Sawamura's shoes and put him to bed entirely dressed, and after making sure that the other was sleeping soundly, he finally changed into his pajamas and went to bed. He wasn't even that tired, though, and he couldn't stop thinking about Bokuto long enough to try to fall asleep. He kept tossing and turning, until his phone rang signalling the arrival of a new text message. He opened it and read that it was from Erin.

**Where r u? Came back and found you gone. u missing the best part of the evening!**

Kuroo sighed and hit the reply button.

**Just tired, going to sleep. Enjoy the night <3**

He set down his phone on his night stand, then he tried to sleep again, but it was more difficult than it had been a minute ago. Soon he received another text message, and again it was from Erin.

**Such a party pooper! Bokuto-san is crazy, come enjoy!**

He sighed. Well, not exactly what he wanted to hear about. But he sure couldn't tell Erin that! So he just gave her a quick reply.

**Too tired to come back, have fun**

Well, now he was really torn. What was he supposed to do? A part of him wanted to get dressed again and to back to the bar, just to spend some more time with Bokuto and see what he was doing. Or just to see _him_. At the same time, however, he wasn't exactly sure of what he was going to come into. Was Bokuto going to just be his usual loud self, only drunk, or was he going to make out with some girl in front of his eyes? Because he was pretty sure that he could have never survived something like that. He might have died for so much less than that, actually.

In the end, he decided against going back to the bar. It was better if he found a way to fall asleep. He turned towards the other bed in the room, where Sawamura was sleeping so peacefully, even snoring a little. Kuroo would have given anything to be sleeping like that at the moment. But since alcohol was out of the question, he had to find another way to fall asleep. Maybe hit himself pretty hard on the head? It always worked for cartoon characters... but maybe it wasn't the best course of action to experiment on himself.

At 2:00 am, he was still lying wide awake in his bed, probably thinking a little too much. Then, a little after 2:00, Kuroo finally succumbed to the exhaustion of too much thinking and fell asleep. That, however, didn't last for long though, because only a few minutes after he'd finally fallen asleep, he was awaken by the continuous ringing of his phone. At first he couldn't even understand what was happening, when he first opened an eye to look for his phone. Only later he realized that the confused and very loud noise that he was hearing was the result of so many text messages arriving all together that his ringtone couldn't even play the first two notes before another message arrived and it had to start all over again. That infernal noise was making his head hurt, and when he reached for his phone with a hand to grab it and see what was happening, he immediately took a look at Sawamura, to make sure that he hadn't woken up, but his roommate was still sleeping profoundly.

Snorting a little, Kuroo sat up and opened the messenger app on his phone, finding twelve texts from Bokuto and more still coming. Each message only contained one single letter.

**T  
e  
n  
d  
o  
u  
i  
s  
c  
r  
e  
e  
p  
y  
!**

From what he could put together, Bokuto was stating that his teammate Tendou was creepy. In a total of fifteen single-word texts. That was weird even for Bokuto. Was he... drunk texting Kuroo? That was a new one! Kuroo didn't know if he should be pissed or if he should just smile when he realized what Bokuto had sent him. He decided to try a friendly approach in his reply, even though he was really tired now and only wanted to go back to sleep.

**Dude, what the fuck? XD Are you drunk texting me or something?**

It took a couple of minutes before Bokuto replied back with something that was even more absurd:

**Kurooooooo my hair hurts!!! :(**

Kuroo scoffed at that. What the hell? Well, at least now he was fully awake again, that was for sure, but he still needed to try and understand what Bokuto was writing to him.

**Do you mean your head?**

He tried to inquire about what Bokuto was feeling but the reply he received was even crazier than the message before.

**U dumb? I said HAIR! Me hair hurt!**

At that, Kuroo blinked a few times. How drunk Bokuto even was, in order to really think that his hair hurt? Kuroo replied to that message with just a smiling cat face and a laugh, then put the phone back on the nightstand and tried to fall back asleep. Not that he was even tired anymore, thanks to Bokuto's crazy texts, but he still needed to get some sleep at some point, and it was past 2:30 am.

He didn't even have time to fall back asleep, though, because his phone kept ringing, signalling the arrival of new text messages. Now he was almost curious to see what Bokuto had come up with now.

**Dude so drenk I see pink**

Well, that didn't make any sense at all. And Bokuto was probably so drunk that he couldn't even spell the word 'drunk' anymore.

**K I ocnfess me fave fish 4 sushi is tuna even tho I alws say it's salmon**

That, however, made even less sense. And it was even more difficult to read. Kuroo shook his head, then he finally replied something back to him.

**Dude, seriously, stop texting me weird stuff. It's the middle of the night, people might think you're crazy!**

It didn't take long, after that, for him to receive a reply divided into several messages.

**No crazy**  
**Jst drunk**  
**I think**

Yes, he was definitely drunk. But now Kuroo didn't know if he should be worried about Bokuto, pissed at him or just laugh and stop worrying. He had to admin that the situation was kind of funny, after all, so laughing despite everything was what he felt more natural at the moment. He'd missed how random Bokuto could be sometimes, and how that always made him laugh. At the same time, however, he was worried about all of the attentions he was getting from his friend. He was probably being so clingy at the moment because he was drunk, but what was going to happen the following day? When Bokuto sobered up and left. Kuroo was going to miss him even more, now that he'd experienced even a little of the closeness they'd had in the past.

As time went on, Bokuto kept sending Kuroo the weirdest texts he'd ever received. He also kept telling him to stop texting him, but truth was that he didn't really want Bokuto to stop. Actually, he wanted Bokuto to keep texting him forever. He didn't care what Bokuto was saying, the important thing was that he never stopped talking to him, seeking him out. His heart was beating so fast it almost hurt in his chest.

At some point, among all of the other messages, Kuroo received the weirdest one of them all.

**U know Im so in love with u I almst fell like a love sick puppy**

Kuroo dropped his phone on the bed. Sure, there were abbreviations and typos that made it more difficult to read, but it was impossible to find a different meaning to that text. Had Bokuto just said that he was in love with Kuroo? No, that was impossible. He was probably thinking that he was texting someone else. Or maybe he was joking. Yes, that was probably it, he was just joking after all. There was no better explanation than that to what he'd just received. At the same time, however, Kuroo felt like throwing up. How much would he have wanted for that to be real? Reading those words, well aware that Bokuto didn't really mean them, was hurting so badly it made him sick. But he couldn't tell Bokuto that, of course. He had to act like he didn't care, because he couldn't in any possible way out his own feelings to his friend. So he kept up a facade when he finally found the strength to text Bokuto back, hitting the letters on his phone with shaking fingers.

**Yeah, sure**

Then, after sending the message, Kuroo remained paralyzed on the spot, waiting. Waiting to hear back from Bokuto, hoping to find out the truth about what he really meant. The next text didn't take too long to arrive.

**Y u not beleive me? I love u an much as the nigth love the moon**

Once again the message was full of typos, but it was still readable. Or at least Kuroo understood pretty well what it was saying. And it almost made his heart jump out of his chest. He tried to take in a few deep breaths, because part of him wasn't even sure that he was still able to breathe at all, then he read that text another few times. So much for texting weird stuff in the middle of the night! No text could ever get any weirder than that!

**Come on, stop joking**

That was everything he was able to reply. After all, what else was there to say? He needed for Bokuto to stop, because it hurt. He wanted too badly for it to be true, but it wasn't, so Bokuto needed to stop giving him false hope that things could work his way.

**Not joking dude. Just love u. So much. How can I show u?**

Kuroo's head was starting to hurt. He was too scared, too worried, that his entire body was now feeling the consequences. He sighed before typing another message to Bokuto.

**Next time you see me, tell me to my face ;)**

That was the perfect way to win the argument. Kuroo was pretty sure that, come morning, Bokuto was going to forget about that conversation entirely. He was going to forget ever saying that stuff to Kuroo. Or at least he was going to realize that he'd told those things to the wrong person. In any case, he was never going to think like that again after sobering up. That was the reason why Kuroo had instructed him to tell him to his face the next time: just because it was never going to happen.

After sending the text message, Kuroo put down the phone on his bed and waited. He stared at the device for a while, but nothing happened. He was expecting another text message full of weird stuff, and even though he had wanted for Bokuto to stop the entire time, now that he wasn't receiving any reply he was pretty disappointed. Maybe a part of him hoped to receive a reply, any kind of reply. Even another one only talking about food, it was going to be okay anyway. The important thing was that Bokuto was thinking about him enough to keep sending him text messages.

But this time, however, nothing happened. Kuroo waited for more than twenty minutes, but still nothing. In the end, he sighed and put his phone back on his nightstand. Then he lay back down on his bed and tried to fall asleep again. It wasn't an easy task because of the many thoughts running through his head, but he was very tired as well, so it didn't take him as long as he'd feared before he finally fell asleep again. In the meantime, in the bed on the other side of the room, Sawamura was still sleeping soundly, unperturbed by the continuous ringing of Kuroo's phone.

***

The world was crumbling down to pieces all around him and he needed to run, to get out of there. He was going to leave Sawamura behind and just run away. Kuroo opened his eyes, the banging echoing in his head, and it took him a few seconds to adjust his eyes to the dark room. The banging was continuous, but it wasn't signalling the end of the world. What was it then? It took him several seconds to realize that it was the sound of someone banging at his door. Banging so hard, actually, that the door was about to fall down.

That noise was so loud that the entire building was probably waking up right now. Well, everyone except for Sawamura, who just rolled in his sleep so that he was now giving his back to Kuroo. A quick look at the phone on his nightstand made Kuroo realize that it was around 4:30 in the morning. An ungodly hour, when people were supposed to just close their eyes and sleep. And he was about to go back to doing exactly that when he banging intensified. Now it was also accompanied by the yelling of his name. That was the plain demonstration of the fact that he couldn't keep ignoring whoever was outside the door.

Reluctantly, Kuroo dragged his own barely-responding body out of bed and towards the door. When he opened it, just to tell whoever was outside that they could kindly go to hell, he froze on the spot when he found Bokuto still trying to knock.

"Bokuto?" Kuroo asked, uncertain, because what was Bokuto even doing there? But he didn't have any time to say anything else, because Bokuto was quicker. He locked his stare into Kuroo's eyes, then grabbed the other by both arms and pulled him closer.

"If you need this as proof then fine, I'll do it. I love you Kuroo" Bokuto slurred a little but he looked at Kuroo dead in the eye while talking. Hearing him say it, Kuroo felt weak at the knees. Did that mean that Bokuto was serious? Or maybe he was just taking the joke a little too far. But no, Bokuto wasn't the kind of person to play with people's feelings like that. So Kuroo tried to swallow without suffocating on his own saliva and returned his friend's gaze. He was, however, completely unable to say anything. He opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out.

“Why can’t you believe that I just love you?” Bokuto tried once again, and Kuroo didn't know what to think, what to do.

“Bokuto… are you actually serious?” he finally managed to ask. His entire body was shaking, and he had to keep a solid grip on the door frame not to fall down. Well, Bokuto's hands still on him were another good help not to fall at the moment. But he preferred not to think about those hands on him, or about how close their faces were at the moment.

“Of fucking course I am!” was the reply he received. Bokuto seemed to be even a little resentful. Maybe he was getting offended because Kuroo hadn't believed him so far.

Did it mean that it was true, then? Was Bokuto really in love with him? Based on the way the other was looking at him now, with decision and affection at the same time, he could easily tell that Bokuto cared about him. But from there to being in love, the road wasn't short at all. What was the extent of that affection, then? That was what Kuroo needed to find out at the moment.

“Serious enough to kiss me?” he asked. He didn't think that Bokuto would say yes, but he needed to ask that question anyway. He needed to find out where the other wanted to go with what he was saying.

There was a moment of silence after that question was asked, during which Bokuto scrutinized Kuroo with all the attention that a drunken idiot could muster. “Can I?” he finally asked after a long moment of pondering on his next words.

Kuroo didn't say anything. He just bit his lower lip a little, and then he slowly nodded once. Yes, he was giving Bokuto permission to kiss him. But at the same time he was pretty sure that the other wasn't going to really accept that permission. In order to do that, he needed to really want to kiss Kuroo. And he didn't, did he? The way Bokuto's entire face brightened, however, was probably saying something different. He appeared to be incredibly happy because of the opportunity he had been given. Damn, was he really serious?

Breathing was suddenly becoming more and more difficult. Kuroo tried very hard to keep the air inside his lungs, but Bokuto was getting closer and closer, with that beautiful smile plastered on his face, and he couldn't stop staring at him in awe. Then he saw Bokuto close his eyes, and his entire field of vision was filled with the other's head. Bokuto had been getting closer pretty quickly, so Kuroo closed his eyes as well, bracing for impact. The touch he received, however, was entirely different.

Bokuto's hand cupped the back of his neck, and the other's lips landed on his for an incredibly delicate kiss. Bokuto caressed Kuroo's lips with his own, in a gesture that was incredibly sweet. From that distance, Kuroo could smell that his friend's breath smelled like alcohol, but he didn't care. Bokuto was kissing him, he didn't care about the smell at all! All he cared about were those strangely soft lips against his own.

Even though Kuroo was about to stop breathing pretty soon, he still tried to anchor himself so that he wouldn't fall down. Tentatively, he raised both arms and engulfed Bokuto's upper body in them, increasing the contact between them. Feeling bold after that gesture, Bokuto wrapped his other arm around Kuroo's waist and pulled him even closer, making their bodies adhere entirely one against the other.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, kissing slowly, and the more they kissed, the more Kuroo was hearing fireworks in his ears. His heart was about to jump out of his chest, so happy he was. Then, Bokuto tried to introduce his tongue into the kiss. That was when Kuroo gently started to pull away.

"Wait. Are you sure about this?" he asked as a precaution. He didn't want to be given false hope only to find out later on that it didn't mean anything for the other. But Bokuto probably didn't interpret his hesitation in the correct way.

"Of course I am. Are you?" his reply and question were pronounced almost with desperation. He seemed about to start crying, as if he'd been refused or something like that. Seeing him like that almost broke Kuroo's heart. Damn, Bokuto really _was_ serious! And Kuroo couldn't even describe how happy he was about it.

Kuroo took a deep breath, then he brought both hands to cup Bokuto's face, looking him in the eye. "I've never been more sure about anything else in my entire life" he replied firmly, his voice calm and sure. His legs were shaking while he talked, but he didn't want Bokuto to see that of course. He wanted to reassure the other on the fact that he craved those kisses as well. So when he was sure that Bokuto was really looking at him, he finally leaned in and kissed Bokuto himself.

He could feel that it was now Bokuto's turn to take a deep breath, leaning partially against the door frame to keep himself on his feet. Kuroo smiled in the kiss, pulling Bokuto entirely inside the room. After all, they were still at the door, where everyone could have come out to interrupt them, and Kuroo preferred to have a little more privacy than that. So after pulling Bokuto inside a little, he closed the door with a foot, then he kept pulling Bokuto forward. He didn't want to interrupt the kiss, but at the same time he wanted to reach a more comfortable place to continue. Such as his bed, for example.

Walking backwards, Kuroo couldn't see when he reached the bed, but he felt it with the back of his legs. Then he let himself fall on it, pulling Bokuto along with him. The other didn't complain, he just landed on top of Kuroo and trapped him on the mattress with his own body. Now that they were in a more comfortable position, Bokuto separated their lips and assaulted Kuroo's neck with kisses and small bites.

"I want you Kuroo. Want you so bad" Bokuto mumbled in between the attentions that he was giving to the other's neck. Both of his hands were moving non-stop, trying to take off Kuroo's shirt.

Oh yes, Kuroo wanted him too. He wanted him so much that something inside his pants was starting to hurt. But they couldn't. What if Bokuto only wanted him because he was drunk? Was he even going to remember having sex with him the following day? That was a very good reason not to do it in the first place. Sure, those attentions he'd been given were wonderful, but they couldn't go any further, even though every fiber of Kuroo's body craved more contact with each part of Bokuto's.

"I want you too, but we can't. You're too drunk, I don't want to do it like that. I want to be sure you'll remember it. That you'll remember _me_ " Kuroo finally managed to say. Getting those words out hurt, but he didn't care. He needed to be sure that Bokuto wouldn't have any second thoughts in the morning, before having sex with him. He wouldn't have survived it, if that had occurred.

That was the moment in which something changed. Bokuto sat back on the bed, still straddling Kuroo but now giving him enough room to move a little. His expression changed entirely, he seemed more serious than Kuroo had ever seen him outside the volleyball court. He had the same expression he usually put on when he was preparing to receive a very difficult serve from the opposing team.

"Do you really think I can get that drunk?" Bokuto asked, and Kuroo's eyes shot wide open, because those words weren't slurred at all. He was talking normally, and a little grin was appearing on his face. "Didn't it ever occur to you that maybe I was faking it?"

Kuroo blinked a few times, in shock. What the hell? Had he really been faking it the entire time? Did it mean that he was entirely sober when he kissed Kuroo? That he knew what he was doing when he told Kuroo he loved him? That was probably too much. Kuroo was about to faint, he was sure about that.

"Were you? Faking it, I mean?" Kuroo tried to ask, even though his voice came out hesitant and uncertain. Bokuto smiled at him and raised a hand to caress his cheek.

"It was the only thing I could think about to tell you I love you without you thinking that I'm insane or something" Bokuto explained himself, blushing a little. Now he looked embarrassed, to the point that he tried to avoid Kuroo's eyes after saying those words.

"Well, sorry but this makes me think you're insane even more" Kuroo stated raising a hand to give a small, delicate punch to Bokuto's chest. At that, Bokuto turned to look at Kuroo again, and the expression on his face was almost sad. Was he misunderstanding Kuroo's point? Kuroo couldn't really have that. So he smiled before continuing with his speech. "But even with all of your craziness, I still love you anyway, you idiot!" he concluded. While saying those words, he grabbed Bokuto's shirt and pulled him down for a kiss. Caught by surprise, Bokuto braced himself for impact, but when he landed on Kuroo's lips he just relaxed into the kiss.

Pretty soon, their clothes started to fall to the ground. Neither of them cared about poor Sawamura sleeping in the other bed. After all, he was out cold, so there was no way they could wake him up with whatever they did. But at least they had the decency to pull up the bed's covers on themselves.

***

In the morning, Sawamura slowly woke up from the worst sleep of his life. He'd slept for many hours, but he felt more tired than when he'd gone to bed. Plus, he was probably going to throw up pretty soon, and he didn't want to do it on his own bed. Therefore, he forced himself to open his eyes and get up. When he finally managed to do it, however, his eyes fell on Kuroo's bed and immediately all of his exhaustion disappeared because of the shock. Because Kuroo was there, and he wasn't alone. Bokuto, of all people, was with him, and from the little he could see (thanks to the covers) they both looked pretty much naked and strictly intertwined.

"What the fuck!" he couldn't stop himself from almost yelling. It was the surprise effect, pretty much. After all, he'd never thought that he'd ever see Kuroo with a guy. He was always surrounded by girls, and they were touching and kissing each other on the cheek, and... what an idiot he was! Kuroo wasn't _sleeping_ with any of those girls, and now the reason appeared so clearly in front of his eyes, looking like a certain male volleyball player.

His surprised words, however, were loud enough to wake up both Kuroo and Bokuto. The latter took a look at Sawamura with the corner of the eye, then muttered a "Go back to sleep..." before hiding his face against Kuroo's chest. On the other hand, Kuroo gazed at his roommate, trying to figure out the other's reaction. "Good morning" he said to Sawamura, while he positioned one of his arms to better hug Bokuto.

For a few seconds, the two just looked at each other. "Well, so much for my idea of you as a playboy" Sawamura then commented with a smile, his head moving slowly to hint at Bokuto. Kuroo smiled in return.

"Yeah, sorry to disappoint. I kind of forgot to tell you that I'm gay" he finally confessed with a conversational tone.

"I figured" Sawamura replied the same way, then both of them laughed.

And that was the story of how Kuroo ended up coming out to his roommate, and how he gained a boyfriend along the way.


End file.
